My Short Career as a Radical Shoe Designer

Last summer I traveled to Lawrence KS. While my wife and I were there she took me to see a fashion show and I was stuck by the freewheeling, radical, and whimsical nature of the designs. Once I had enough to drink I was no longer bothered by the fact that I was wearing a wool jacket that I bought sometime last century at the GAP. I began to think, this is something I can do. I can do this. If I can get someone to build and design my dreams, I can wear my turn of the century GAP jacket and do what I want — people will mark it down as eccentricity. They will say, he is a shoe designer. Of course, I won’t wear the shoes.

 Shoe Design Template

Shoe Design Template

My step was to figure out how to draw a shoe. I would skip any kind of training in nonsense such as fabric, leather, or orthopedic considerations. These were limitations to the imagination. If I could draw it, then it could be fabricated. I could pay someone to wear it, someone to photograph it, and then I would beat off to the global production system. Definitely green production. Definitely with workers rights in mind. Made in Omaha.

I created five radical shoe designs stealing, er rather, creatively-inspired by the basic form of the Christian Louboutin shoe-boot.

My initial presentation didn’t garner any interested manufactures. But even Thomas Edison and Christian Dior had slow starts. I present to you: my five shoe designs.

The Spring Shoe

The Spring Shoe

The Spring Shoe

The spring shoe would present a durable, and comfortable steel shoe on a brush of high-tension iron or copper springs, pre-oxidized. The source of the wire is from recycled GE generators from decommissioned hydroelectric dams.

The Broom Shoe

The Broom Shoe

The Broom Shoe

The broom shoe would present a durable and comfortable steel shoe on a brush of reeds harvested from the Siberian moor. This shoe would make even Baba Yaga sexy.

Hose Shoe

Hose Shoe

The Hose Shoe

In this shoe, you would walk on water. A high-pressure spray of reclaimed water will keep you aloft. Through efficient use of multi-directional pressure the shoe only uses a half gallon per second. The shoe comes with a stylish barrel and copper wire tube or leash capable of keeping your shoe active for several minutes.

Bucket Shoe

Bucket Shoe

The Bucket Shoe

A transparent Lucite tube supports the bucket shoe. A latex suction cup and silver bell suspended in the shoe provide both traction and delightful ambient noise as you attend the opera, ball, or sporting event.

Urinal Shoe

Urinal Shoe

The Urinal Shoe

From porcelain fired from the same clay used to make ancient Rome’s famous baths, the urinal shoe will cup your foot in the ballerina’s En pointe. You will be able to comfortabley wear these shoes for many minutes.

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One Response to My Short Career as a Radical Shoe Designer

  1. Tim Elhajj April 11, 2009 at 11:08 pm #

    I would like to the throw a pair of Urinal Shoes at the previous president!

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